If I Don’t Put My Foot Down Now…

If parenting feels like a constant tug-of-war... if every interaction feels like a test of who’s in charge... it might not be your child’s behaviour that’s the issue.

It might be the fear of losing control that’s driving your reactions.

This fear is incredibly common — especially for thoughtful, high-achieving parents who care deeply about doing the right thing. You want to raise respectful, grounded children. You want to lead with love... but still be taken seriously.

And so, without realising it, you may start parenting from a place of control... rather than calm leadership.

Tonight is my son’s final year formal. It’s a bittersweet moment. He’s an incredible young man — someone I trust to make good choices, and own the not-so-good ones. But with perimenopause symptoms showing up for me lately, I’ve noticed myself feeling more anxious... and with that, the urge to control has crept in.

Who is he driving with? What’s their number? Who else is going? Can I drop you at the station? Please get an Uber. Normally, these questions would come from curiosity... but today I know they’re coming from anxiety. From the need for certainty in a moment that feels uncertain.

He came to ask me for help with his bow tie — and after several failed attempts, we still couldn’t figure it out. We had to laugh... then raid his dad’s drawer for a clip-on.

That moment — light, funny, connected — reminded me that trust lives in the small things too.

And because he’s technically an adult, I did everything in my power not to put my anxiety on him. I asked the bare minimum just to know his journey there and back would be safe.

He still told me I was asking too many questions.

And he was right.

How often does this happen in parenting our younger kids?
How often do we feel that if we don’t hold the line, if we don’t respond quickly, if we don’t address every little thing — we’ll lose control?

And that fear says... if you let this slide now, it’s all going to spiral later.

Here’s how I recognise when I’m in that fear — and how you can too.

• You might be parenting from fear of losing control if you:

• Feel compelled to address every small infraction immediately

• Worry that showing flexibility even once means your child will expect it always

• Find yourself thinking, “If I let them get away with this now...”

• Feel anxious or critical when other caregivers (like your partner or in-laws) handle things differently

• Notice yourself escalating situations to prove a point

• Struggle to shift course — even when you know your approach isn’t working

• Feel like every interaction is a test of your authority

• Worry that your child is “getting away with” something if you don’t respond firmly

• Have trouble distinguishing between true defiance and age-appropriate behaviour

• Feel like you're constantly caught in power struggles
  
  If you recognised yourself in any of these, you’re not alone.
  
  Many of the parents I work with feel this quiet pressure to be the strong one... the consistent one... the one who holds the line because no one else is.
  
  But here’s what this kind of fear-based control actually creates:
  

• Unnecessary power struggles

• Disconnection and loss of emotional safety

• Rising stress levels for everyone — including you

• Rigid thinking instead of true emotional regulation

• A parenting experience that feels like battle, not relationship

• Less actual influence — not more

• And a child who resists your leadership, instead of choosing to follow it
  
  Eventually, it’s exhausting.
  
  You spend your days holding everything together... instead of guiding, connecting, and modelling the flexibility and inner safety you want your child to have.
  
  But what if the real power isn’t in controlling every moment?
  
  What if the real power is in knowing when to step back... breathe... and respond from trust instead of fear?
  
  P.S. If you're done with parenting from tension and fear... and ready to parent from calm, clarity, and connection... I'd love to walk with you.
  
  Inside the Stressed to Best Parent Method, I’ll show you exactly how to shift from control to conscious leadership — so you can:
  

• Stop reacting out of fear

• End the cycle of power struggles

• Teach true cooperation

• And build the kind of relationship that makes your child want to follow your lead — not resist it.
  
  You don’t need to be perfect.
  You just need tools that help you stay grounded... even when things get messy.
  
  Learn more about Stressed to Best Parent Method here or Book in a call with me to discuss your family goals.