When I Stopped Trying to Achieve Parenting and Started Experiencing It

A decade ago, I was that parent...

The one who had done all the leadership courses at work and still cried secret tears in the bathroom at home.

The one reading every parenting book under the sun, while quietly feeling like I was failing at all of them.

The one wondering how I could be so capable in leadership meetings and yet feel so utterly lost at the breakfast table.

And then, something clicked.

I realised the very drive that made me successful in my career was keeping me stuck in parenting.

I was trying to achieve parenting instead of experiencing it.

Trying to perfect it instead of being present in it.

Trying to control it instead of connecting through it.

The shift happened when I stopped trying to shape my child into who I thought they should be... and started removing the obstacles to who they already were.

And that’s when everything changed.

Last week, my eldest son graduated from high school.

He had a whole weekend of celebrations - with his friends, and with us.

At our family gathering, I looked over at him as I handed him his graduation gift... and I couldn’t hold back the tears.

They weren’t quiet tears either.

They were big, beautiful sobs — full of joy.

The joy of being his mum.
The joy of witnessing the man he’s becoming.
The joy of celebrating his essence.
And the joy of watching him be seen by a school system that, for so long, didn’t see him.

He walked away from that graduation with the David Perry Award for Cinematography.

But the best part wasn’t the award.

It was that he didn’t have to perform, contort, or mould himself into someone else to be recognised.

He was recognised for simply being himself.

That’s when it hit me:

In a world where we’ve climbed the career ladder long enough to feel empty...
Where parts of ourselves have been hidden for years...
Where success often comes at the cost of self...

The greatest work we’ll ever do is not about having it all figured out.

It’s about healing all the ways we’ve held ourselves back...and raising children who know they never have to do the same.

Children who know, deep in their bones, that who they are is already enough.

That’s the kind of joy I want for every parent.

Not just pride in who your child becomes... but peace in who you’ve become, too.


P.S. If you’re ready to let go of the pressure and reconnect with what truly matters in parenting...presence, connection, and raising a child who stays true to themselves, I’d love to show you how. Book in a call with me to discuss your family goals.