When Self-Judgment Creeps In, Try This Instead

Whether it’s a comment from another parent, a grandparent, or that voice in your own head...
Judgment as a parent hits hard.

And when it hits, it tends to spiral: stress rises, empathy drops, reactions become more irrational, and regret creeps in.
You find yourself somewhere far from the present moment... overwhelmed, anxious, and disconnected.

The story we tell ourselves is powerful.

Katie recently shared an experience with me. Her child was playing on a trampoline and fell, breaking his arm in two places. She and her husband were right there — just metres away — when it happened.

As the ambulance arrived and she began explaining what had happened, she was overwhelmed by a loud, painful inner monologue:

“What must they think of me?”
“They probably think I’m a bad mother.”
“How could I let this happen?”

She was so consumed by shame and judgment that she struggled to answer the paramedics’ questions. She was fumbling, flustered... not because anyone was blaming her, but because she was blaming herself.

Here’s the thing: the paramedics didn’t say a word about blame. No questioning, no judgement — just kindness and calm professionalism.

It was Katie who was judging herself.

Sometimes the harshest critic isn’t “them”... it’s you.

Whether it comes from within or from someone else’s voice, judgment has a way of hijacking your presence. And when you’re stuck in a spiral of “I’m not good enough,” you can’t be grounded. You can’t be fully there — for your child, or yourself.

Brené Brown, shame researcher and author, says:

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

For many of us, shame is the voice behind the judgment.
It whispers, “You should have done better.”
It insists, “You’ve failed.”

But there’s a powerful antidote...

The antidote to shame is self-compassion.

When judgment shows up — whether from yourself or someone else — you have a choice.
You can get caught in the spiral... or you can lead yourself back to presence through self-kindness.

Try this the next time judgment arises:

“I’m imperfect. I make mistakes. And I am still worthy of love.”

It might feel strange at first. But the more you practise it, the more you strengthen your ability to stay present — even in the messy, imperfect moments of parenting.

Because presence isn’t about being perfect...
It’s about being here, with your whole heart.

Want support letting go of guilt and staying grounded in your parenting journey? Discover tools that help you navigate tough moments with clarity, self-compassion, and calm.Whether it’s comments from another parent, grandparent or your own self-talk, you can feel judged as a parent. It doesn’t feel good and often results in feelings of stress, irrational reactions and lacking empathy for yourself and others, including children. These can all lead to feelings of regret and result in a downward spiral effect very quickly, all of which take you away from the present moment.