Are You Prioritising Others Over Your Own Child Without Realising It?
A few short years ago, whenever we had parties, playdates, or caught up with friends, something subtle but significant would happen. Other people’s children would come up to me, and I’d bend down, engage with them, play, chat, make them feel seen. But when my own children came to ask me something, I’d respond quickly and shift my attention back to the other child — or move on entirely.
At the time, something didn’t sit right.
There was a quiet discomfort inside me — a knowing that I wasn’t really giving my children the quality of presence I wanted to.
But I ignored that feeling.
It took me a long time to understand why I was doing this. And when I finally did, it was like a light bulb moment — one of those confronting truths that changes how you see everything.
It was a real blindspot.
When my kids were just 2 and 4 years old, I realised I had been living my life for others. Somewhere deep down, I believed others were more important. Their needs, their presence, their validation — they all took priority. And without meaning to, I was passing that belief onto my own children.
Every time I brushed past their needs and poured more attention into other people’s kids, I was sending them this unspoken message:
“Others are more important than you. Value others more than yourself.”
And that’s not what I want my children to believe.
That’s not what I want any child to believe.
The truth is, I’m not alone in this.
Researchers from Boston University have found that we all have blindspots — and they’re not linked to intelligence, self-esteem, or even how capable we are of making good decisions. They’re often shaped by unconscious conditioning, especially from childhood.
And while valuing others is a beautiful trait, when it comes at the expense of valuing yourself, it can quietly rob you of freedom and fulfilment.
When you unconsciously place others ahead of yourself, it can look like this:
You don’t carve out time for yourself
You skip quality moments with your children
You neglect your romantic relationship
You push your health down the list
You never quite feel like you have space to breathe
And the hardest part?
All of these are extensions of you.
Can you relate?
When I work with clients today, I help them uncover their blindspots — gently and honestly. We start by creating flexibility in the mind, before we ever touch behaviour. Because when you shift the belief underneath the behaviour, everything else becomes easier.
Rather than forcing yourself to change (which often feels hard and unnatural), you move toward a state of freedom. Your actions become congruent with who you are, and your relationship with yourself becomes more peaceful and trusting.
Blindspots aren’t something to be ashamed of — they’re something to become curious about.
Because on the other side of seeing them clearly is a version of parenting — and of yourself — that feels whole, aligned, and deeply connected.
Ready to see your blindspots? If this post spoke to something deep inside of you, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to unpack this on your own. I support parents in creating calm, connected homes—starting with the self-awareness and mindset shifts that change everything.
✨ Book a free clarity call to explore how we can work together to uncover your blindspots and create more presence and peace in your parenting.
