The Hidden Cost of Rushing Childhood: What Every Parent Needs to Know

The myth and legend say that slow and steady wins the race, yet in recent years the world around us has been speeding up. Faster cars, faster trains, faster planes, faster internet, faster food, faster learning... and the list goes on.

There’s also another area where we’ve seen acceleration: the speed at which children are growing up.

Children are now encouraged to read and write earlier, be engaged in organised sport, and learn instruments at a younger age. While these pursuits are desirable long-term, does structured learning too early—fuelled by a desire to develop a child’s skills—actually set them up for success in the long game of life?

Peter Gray, PhD, advocates that early academic training can actually produce long-term harm. He shares the following research:

“In the 1970s, the German government sponsored a large-scale comparison in which the graduates of 50 play-based kindergartens were compared, over time, with the graduates of 50 academic direct-instruction-based kindergartens. Despite the initial academic gains of direct instruction, by grade four the children from the direct-instruction kindergartens performed significantly worse than those from the play-based kindergartens on every measure that was used.”

So for us as parents, how much do we need to see external achievements to feel reassured that our child is on track? Are we able to trust that a child will learn through play and discover at their own pace?

“It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop.” – Confucius

Yesterday, I saw a young mother and child climbing up the steep hill on my street. The little boy, about two years old, was trailing about 50 metres behind her. As I passed him, he was twirling a stick in his hand, stopping and starting with joy, clearly enjoying the moment. He was moving forward... slowly, but happily.

As I passed his mum, she smiled and said, “I wish he would speed up, he’s taking ages.”

I don’t know the context. Perhaps they were late for something. But that’s not the point. The point is, in general... do we really need to speed up?

Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the race. Who’s competing in it? And does there even need to be a race at all?

We often unconsciously pass on this cultural conditioning to our children... the belief that faster is better, and that achievement is everything. But the risk is that children grow up feeling like they’re always behind or not enough. This can lead to anxiety, perfectionism, and a loss of confidence in their own pace and natural rhythm.

If we don’t consciously challenge the belief that our child needs to be “ahead,” we unintentionally communicate that who they are, in this moment, is not enough. The long-term impact? Children may begin to value themselves based only on productivity or comparison... and this disconnects them from their inner compass.

When we slow down, we create room for connection. We teach our children that learning is a lifelong journey, not a timed race. And most importantly, we model that who they are—not just what they do—is deeply valued.

So maybe the question is not “how do I get my child to do more?” but “how can I meet my child where they are, without rushing the process?”

Would love to hear your thoughts... Do you feel pressure to speed things up? How do you stay grounded in your parenting values when the world around you is rushing?

If you’re ready to parent at your child’s pace, not society’s, take a look at my Stressed to Best Parent method. It’s packed with practical tools and mindset shifts to help you honour your child’s natural rhythm and build connection along the way.