Restricting Your Child’s Tech Use Isn’t the Whole Answer

Talking with a client today, we found ourselves deep in the familiar parenting pain point of technology... and its addictive pull on our kids.

She shared a simple trick she uses to reduce her own screen time — switching her iPhone from colour to black and white (three quick clicks on the home button).

“It makes it less appealing,” she said.
And it’s true. Try it now. It’s surprisingly effective!

There are so many strategies like this:

• Turn your phone to black and white

• Set time limits for social media apps

• Switch off the Wi-Fi router at 10 pm

• They work... until they don’t.
  
  Because here’s the problem:
  Every time we rely on external restrictions, we’re the ones carrying the mental load.
  
  We have to remember all the rules, set the timers, track usage, enforce limits...
  And that’s just one habit.
  
  Multiply it by healthy eating, exercise, homework, chores, reading... and it’s no wonder parents are exhausted.
  
  So what’s the alternative?
  
  The Power of Intrinsic Motivation
  
  Intrinsic motivation is what drives us to do something because it feels good, aligns with our values, or fulfils a purpose we believe in.
  
  It’s the difference between:
  

• “I have to eat healthy because Mum said so...”
  and

• “I like how my body feels when I eat well.”

• “I’m off my device because the router got shut off...”
  and

• “I chose to go kick the ball around because it energises me.”
  
  When motivation is intrinsic, the behaviour becomes automatic.
  
  And when your child makes the connection between time off screens and feeling good — like building LEGO, play-acting, running around the couch with Mum, or creating something with their hands — the desire to keep doing those things grows naturally.
  
  For my teens today, time off their phones looks like going to the gym, playing soccer, making movies, cooking, or going for a run.
  
  Why?
  
  Because those things feel good too.
  Their bodies know it. Their minds know it. And it didn’t happen overnight — but it did happen from the inside out.
  
  How to Build Intrinsic Motivation
  
  There are two key elements to it:
  
  1. Emotional connection
  Help your child feel good doing non-tech things.
  Celebrate play. Build rhythms around the joy of being offline.
  Let their bodies experience connection, creativity, movement, fun.
  That’s what wires in natural desire.
  
  2. Conscious education
  Teach them how technology is designed to hijack their brains.
  Let them watch The Social Dilemma (Netflix) with you (I recommend watching it first, then introducing it to your child age appropriately). Talk about how social media algorithms manipulate attention.
  Let them understand — not from fear, but from awareness.
  
  When they understand the “why,” and they’ve felt the “what else,” they begin to choose differently.
  
  Not because you’re making them... but because it matters to them.
  
  Why This Matters
  
  Building intrinsic motivation is the antidote to burnout — for you and for your child.
  
  Instead of chasing them to follow the rules, you’re guiding them to lead themselves.
  You’re saving your time, your emotional energy, your bandwidth.
  
  More importantly, Dina — you’re helping them build the kind of internal compass they’ll need to navigate not just tech... but friendships, mental health, learning, and life.
  
  Because when a child can say:
  “I know what matters to me.”
  “I trust myself to make choices I feel good about.”
  “I can regulate how I use my time and energy.”
  
  You’re not just raising someone who uses less tech.
  You’re raising someone who leads themselves.
  
  And that’s the kind of future we all want to live in.
  
  P.S. Want more tools to raise an emotionally intelligent, self-led child in a screen-saturated world?
  
  Explore the Stressed to Best Parent Method — my step-by-step system to help you raise your child with calm, clarity, and confidence.