How to Help Your Child Handle Bullies and Toxic Friends

There’s a heartbreaking moment many parents face — when your child comes home hurt by the words or actions of another.

Whether it’s a bully on the playground, a narcissistic peer who plays power games, or even a so-called friend who crosses the line... we want nothing more than to protect our children.

But protection doesn’t always mean removing the problem.

Often, it means teaching our child how to honour themselves in the presence of it.

Because the truth is: our kids will meet people in life who are unkind, manipulative, or dismissive of boundaries.
So the earlier we equip them with inner clarity, the safer and more powerful they’ll feel... no matter who they’re dealing with.

Start with Self-Kindness
Before we teach our children how to set boundaries with others, we must model what it means to treat ourselves with kindness.

This includes:

• Resting when you’re overwhelmed

• Saying no without guilt

• Choosing peace over people-pleasing
  
  When your child sees you protecting your energy — not from anger, but from self-respect — they begin to understand:
  
  “It’s not unkind to take care of myself. It’s wise.”
  
  And that becomes their starting point.
  
  Shift the Focus from Being Liked to Being Aligned
  Many children — especially sensitive ones — deeply want to be liked.
  They may tolerate mistreatment just to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or maintain a friendship.
  
  But what if we helped them see that the person they most need to like them...
  is themselves?
  
  That includes:

• Being proud of how they treat others

• Honouring their inner voice, even when it’s hard

• Valuing self-respect over social status
  
  You can gently say to your child:
  “You don’t need everyone to like you to be okay.
  The most important thing is that you like who you’re being.”
  
  This gives them permission to choose authenticity over approval — and that is the root of true self-confidence.
  
  What Boundary-Setting Looks Like at Different Ages

  For younger children, boundary-setting might look like:

• Telling a safe adult what happened

• Moving away from someone who is being unkind

• Saying things like “Stop, I don’t like that” or “That’s not kind”
  
  For older children and teens, it might sound like:

• “That’s not okay with me.”

• “Please don’t speak to me like that.”

• “I’m going to hang out with people who treat me with respect.”
  
  And sometimes, the most powerful boundary is internal.
  
  They don’t need to explain it to anyone — especially if the other person isn’t emotionally able to hear it.
  
  They can simply decide:
  “This person doesn’t feel good to be around. I’m going to spend my energy elsewhere.”
  
  That’s not rude — it’s wise self-protection.
  
  Popular Doesn’t Equal Kind

  One of the hardest things to witness is when a person who mistreats your child is seen as “cool” or well-liked by others.
  
  You can help your child understand:
  
  “Even if someone is popular... if their behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s enough reason to step back.”
  
  Their discomfort is valid.
  Their experience matters.
  And they don’t need anyone else to agree for it to be true.
  
  What I Wish I’d Learned Earlier
  For a long time, I believed everyone had a good heart.
  And I still believe that, deep down, most people do.
  
  But I’ve also learned — sometimes the behaviour of someone with a “good heart” still needs a boundary.
  You can honour their humanity... and still protect your peace.
  
  It took me a long time to realise that it’s more important to listen to how someone’s behaviour makes me feel —
  whether it’s aligned with what matters to me —
  than to keep bending myself to fit someone else’s needs.
  
  Especially if they only value getting their needs met.
  
  This is the kind of discernment I want my children to grow up with:
  Empathy with self-respect.
  Kindness with clarity.
  An open heart with strong boundaries.
  
  Teach the Difference Between Emotions and Intuition
  Sometimes your child may feel nervous or scared — but it’s not always easy to tell if it’s anxiety or instinct.
  Help them tune into their body.
  
  Ask:

• “Do you feel scared because of something they said or did?”

• “Or are you feeling nervous because it’s unfamiliar or you’re worried what others will think?”
  
  Teach them that:

• Emotions often come and go.

• Gut instinct feels like a deeper knowing... a sense that something’s just off.
  
  When they learn to trust that inner signal — and act on it — they’re not just safer.
  They’re more free.
  
  Your Child’s Choice Matters
  Finally, remind your child that they get to choose.
  They don’t need to convince others.
  They don’t need to justify pulling back.
  And it’s okay if others choose differently.
  
  Some people might still want to be friends with the person who hurt them. That’s okay.
  They are allowed to choose what feels right — and so is your child.
  
  Because this is the kind of self-leadership we want to cultivate.
  Not a fear-based retreat from the world... but an empowered relationship with it.
  
  On Narcissism: Is It Learned or Innate?
  This is a nuanced and often debated topic. Based on current research, the answer is: narcissism can be both learned and influenced by innate traits.
  
  1. Temperament and genetics
  Some studies suggest that certain personality traits associated with narcissism — such as sensitivity to shame, emotional regulation difficulties, or high emotional reactivity — may have a biological basis. These traits can be inherited, but they don’t guarantee narcissistic behaviour.
  
  2. Parenting and early experiences
  Parenting style plays a significant role in whether narcissistic traits develop. Patterns that may contribute include:
  

• Excessive praise without emotional attunement (“You're the best” without “I see you”)

• Harsh criticism, conditional love, or shaming

• Emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving

• Enmeshment (child responsible for the parent’s feelings)
  
  In other words, narcissism is often a survival strategy — a way to cope with deep insecurity, shame, or emotional neglect. The “grandiose” behaviours (dominance, blame, lack of empathy) often mask a fragile sense of self.
  
  3. Cultural and societal reinforcement
  In environments where performance, image, and external success are overvalued (e.g. social media, competitive schooling, status-focused parenting), narcissistic traits can be reinforced and rewarded — especially in the absence of emotional regulation or secure attachment.
  
  Why This Matters
  You can’t always protect your child from encountering narcissistic behaviours, DIna.
  
  But you can teach them to:

• Spot when something feels “off,” even if someone appears charming or confident

• Hold firm in their boundaries without guilt
  
  Lead from values, not fear or people-pleasing
  
  And perhaps most importantly...
  To know that their experience matters.
  Even if no one else sees what they see.
  
  P.S. Want help raising a child who trusts themselves, communicates with clarity, and holds strong boundaries with kindness?
  
  That’s exactly what I teach inside the Stressed to Best Parent Method — a step-by-step framework to help you raise a confident, emotionally intelligent child... without yelling, bribes, or power struggles.
  
  Learn more here »