Here’s what no one else is saying about parenting

There’s one thing that frustrates me... no, infuriates me... about modern parenting advice:

“Just stay calm.”

As if that’s the goal.

And of course, staying calm is the goal...
But what happens when you’re not?

There were times... especially when my children were younger... when I just couldn’t. I’d try to keep it together, but inside I was bubbling with resentment, anger, shame.
Sometimes, that pressure would explode.

And even now... after years of work, years of learning... there are still moments.

But here’s what I’ve learned:
There’s a huge difference between looking calm on the outside... and feeling calm on the inside.

I spoke to a mum recently who told me she followed all the gentle parenting advice.

She said:
“I stay calm. I don’t yell. I try to validate their feelings. But underneath?
I’m seething. I feel walked over. I’m so angry... but I just swallow it.”

And it struck me... this is the gap so many parents are living in.

Outwardly calm.
Inwardly at war.

But the truth is:
Our kids don’t just respond to what we say. They respond to what we feel.

Their bodies are like tuning forks... they can sense tension, disconnection, pressure... even when we mask it well.

They might not say anything. But they’ll react. They’ll shut down. Lash out.

They’ll start to believe:

“Mum / Dad is upset... is it because of me?”
“I have to be the good one.”
“I can’t show how I really feel.”

This is how the early seeds of self-doubt and people-pleasing are planted.

And it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.

It means we’ve been taught to perform calm... instead of understanding what’s underneath our reactions.

Here’s what I believe:

True calm isn’t about suppressing your anger.
It’s not about being perfect.
It’s not about following a parenting label.

It’s about becoming aware of the emotions, the beliefs, and the patterns that hijack your reactions...and choosing to lead from a deeper place.

A place that says:
“My child isn’t the problem... this is a pattern I can shift.”

Because once you start doing that inner work?
Calm becomes your natural state.
Not something you grit your teeth to maintain... but something you become.

And from that place, your child doesn’t just behave better.
They feel safer.
They feel more connected.
They trust your leadership... not because you control them, but because you’re leading yourself.

Side note (or maybe, a truth bomb):

I’m not a gentle parent... but I can be.
I’m not a helicopter parent... but I can be.
I’m not a free-range parent... but I can be.
I’m not authoritarian... but sometimes, I go there too.

I’m not here to live inside a parenting label.
I’m here to become the truest version of myself...
while raising children who stay true to themselves.

That’s it. Full stop.

Because I believe the beliefs children form about themselves in early childhood shape who they become as adults.
So every moment of connection, rupture, repair, and regulation matters.

If we want our children to grow up believing:

• “I’m safe to be fully me.”

• “I can trust myself.”

• “I am not responsible for someone else’s emotions.”

• “My needs matter too.”

Then we need to start showing up from those beliefs in ourselves.

And that journey doesn’t start with forcing yourself to stay calm.
It starts with seeing yourself clearly... and leading from there.

P.S. Want help getting there?

My Stressed to Best Parent Method is designed for exactly this... guiding you through the inner work and the practical tools that make calm your new normal.

Because you don’t need more parenting tips.
You need a way to transform the way you feel... so you can lead with confidence, connection, and clarity.