What If I’m Messing Up My Kids? And Other Common Parenting Worries

Even the most level-headed people find their fears amplified after becoming parents. Someone once told me, "Having a child is like having your heart run outside of you on legs.” Parenting invites immense joy... and an equally immense sense of vulnerability.

But unchecked fears can drain your mental energy. Here are three common parenting fears — and how shifting your perspective can help you reclaim clarity and calm:

1. What if they’re not happy, healthy, or successful?

Over breakfast, a friend shared something vulnerable about her teenage daughter: “I don’t know if she’s going to be happy... but I know I’m doing all I can. I can’t do more than that.” Her words stuck with me.

We often feel responsible for our child’s happiness, health, and future success — and that pressure can become a constant, low-grade hum of anxiety. But here’s the truth: while we play a big part in our child’s life, we’re not in control of it.

Making peace with this is not giving up on your child. It’s surrendering the illusion of control, which frees you from fear and gives you energy to take wise, grounded action. Acceptance can be the doorway to calm — and clarity.

2. I’m not spending enough time with my child

You’re juggling work, home, family needs, your own needs... and still, there’s that inner voice whispering “You should be doing more.”

But research shows it’s not how much time you spend — it’s how you feel during that time that matters.

A study from the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children (ALSPAC) revealed that fathers who genuinely enjoyed time with their young children were 28% less likely to have kids with behavioural issues at ages 9 and 11 — regardless of how much time they spent together.*

Let that sink in. It’s not about the number of minutes — it’s about presence, joy, and connection. So instead of fearing you’re not doing enough, ask yourself: Can I bring more ease and enjoyment into the time I do have with my child?

3. I’m screwing up my kids

Every parent has moments they regret. That doesn’t mean you’re screwing up your child... it means you’re human.

The real question isn’t “Am I messing them up?” but “How do I show up when things don’t go to plan?”

Do you apologise? Do you repair the rupture? Do you reflect and make changes? That’s the gold. Your child doesn’t need perfection — they need to see what being human looks like. When you own your mistakes and grow from them, you give your child permission to do the same.

If you’re ready to release fear and parent with more calm and confidence, let’s connect to see if parent coaching can help you.