You Don’t Have to Choose Between Career and Kids When You Know This

A mum wrote to me today and said:

“I am the mum of a 3.5-year-old and 10-month-old, currently on maternity leave but heading back to work in August. I love being a mum, and during this period of maternity leave, I've worked to improve on keeping my calm, creating moments of joy during the day, etc. I am, however, slightly terrified about going back to work, having less time, and being potentially more tired, and how that will play out in our family dynamic. All coupled with the intense guilt I am feeling about leaving the kids to go back to work. So any tips and insights you could share will be very much appreciated.”

How many of us have felt or feel this way?

The most important thing in our world is competing with, arguably, the second most important thing...the work that gives us meaning and purpose....

Here’s what you need to know:

1. Connection matters more than organisation

Some people think organisation is the most critical thing, but I’ll say this... connection is. Let’s say a child has an amazing lunch prepared, but while you're rushing to make that lunch for the next day, you miss your child trying to share something that happened or a simple cuddle on the couch.... That connection is more important for their long-term development.

Certain skills help you deepen connection even in tiny pockets of time. And that connection is what shapes your child’s sense of safety, self-trust, and self-worth. When you're confident you're connecting like this, the guilt lessens massively. And when a child feels seen and known for who they really are, they flourish. Connection is the bridge that supports them to stay true to themselves, even in a world that often pressures them to conform.

2. Talk about the mental load.

Who is doing the school communication? Who's making sure there’s food in the fridge? These may seem trivial, but when you’re juggling 70–90 of these little tasks each week, it’s anything but.

If you haven’t had conversations about what these tasks are and who’s doing them, resentment can build.... Or worse, burnout. And that directly affects the quality of your home environment...and your child's emotional safety. When we feel mentally and emotionally overloaded, we have less capacity to truly see our children. But when the mental load is shared and intentional, we create space to be present, to listen, and to notice who our children are becoming.

3. Get on the same page with your co-parent

The way we parent is a mix of how we were raised and the life experiences we've had. But most of us wing it when we start raising children, without realising we’re often repeating patterns from our upbringing....

If you had the upbringing of your dreams, amazing — you’ll pass that on! But if, like the vast majority of parents I see, you want to do things differently, it's essential to challenge your unconscious parenting beliefs and align on a shared vision.

For example: One couple I worked with realised they had very different views on discipline....one leaned toward permissive and the other toward strict. They worked through their beliefs and created a structure that honoured both perspectives. That new clarity made day-to-day parenting smoother and less reactive, especially during high-stress moments like bedtime or school runs.

Having a united vision helps ensure your parenting nurtures your child's authentic self rather than shaping them into someone they think they need to be to gain approval. When children experience that level of alignment and clarity from their caregivers, they feel safe enough to be themselves.

4. Your child is the book — your job is to put on the right reading glasses

Children are born with their own unique personality.... But we see the world as we are, not as they are.

If you’re decisive, and your child is slower to process decisions, you might feel frustrated or impatient. But they’re not being difficult...they’re being them. Seeing and honouring those differences allows you to connect faster and deeper.

When you slow down and get curious about their quirks, preferences, and ways of responding to the world, you’re doing more than connecting — you’re protecting their authenticity. Whether you have two hours or ten minutes a day with them, they will feel seen and understood. That’s what matters most. And that’s how they stay connected to who they truly are.

5. What’s good for you is good for them

Taking care of your needs while considering your child’s needs is self-care. Taking care of your needs without consideration for them is selfish.... And only attending to their needs while ignoring yours is self-sacrifice...a fast track to burnout.

When you model a life where your wellbeing matters — and where theirs does too — you are giving your children permission to honour their own needs. You’re showing them how to navigate life without abandoning themselves. That’s one of the greatest gifts you can offer a child — the example that staying true to yourself is not only possible, it’s essential.

You don’t have to choose between your work and your children. When you lead with presence, connection, and intention, you get to have both...and thrive in both. And even more powerfully, you raise children who trust in their right to thrive too.... exactly as they are.

P.S. To find a balance that works for your family, explore the Stressed to Best Parent Method to learn how to raise emotionally connected, confident kids without losing yourself in the process. Learn more here.