A Conscious Parent’s Guide to Handling Guilt

You love your child. You’re doing the best you can. In any given moment, you’re juggling dozens of small and big tasks—because that’s what we signed up for when we became parents.

The challenge isn’t in the love or the effort. It’s in the emotional toll it can take when we feel like we don’t have a choice.

When Values Collide

Maybe it’s choosing to add an extra day of after-school care and then feeling a twinge of guilt. Or missing a parent-teacher evening because you had to travel for work.

That feeling of guilt? It’s not a sign you’re failing. It’s a sign that two values are colliding. Work and parenting. Presence and responsibility. Providing and connecting.

It’s when guilt starts spiralling—when you tell yourself you shouldn’t feel guilty or you turn it into a harsh internal monologue—that’s when your decision-making and emotional wellbeing suffer.

The Neuroscience of Guilt

Dr Matthew Lieberman, a social cognitive neuroscientist, discovered that when the amygdala (the part of the brain that processes emotions) is highly active, there’s reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex (the area responsible for logic, reasoning and decision-making).

In other words, strong emotions—like guilt, fear, stress or even joy—can impair your ability to think clearly. When your brain is flooded with emotion, problem-solving becomes harder. You’re running on reaction rather than reflection.

Stop the Spiral

Spiralling emotions are like running backwards from the finish line. They take you further away from clarity and presence.

So how do you stop the spiral?

Ask yourself: Is this useful?

If your guilt sounds like:
“Ok, I’m feeling guilty. I don’t like the feeling, but I can sit with it. What can I learn from this? How might I adjust things next time?”
That’s compassionate self-awareness. That’s useful.

If your guilt sounds like:
“I’m a bad parent. I can’t do anything right. I always mess this up.”
That’s a guilt trip. And it takes you away from reality, away from truth, and away from your power to make choices.

Choose Compassion Instead

When you pause to notice your self-talk and respond with compassion, something subtle but powerful happens:
The guilt softens. The breath deepens.
And suddenly, you have space to think more clearly about what to do next.

Compassion is not letting yourself off the hook. It’s meeting yourself kindly—so you can move forward with clarity and intention.

Want more tools to support yourself emotionally while showing up as the parent you want to be? Join my Stressed to Best Parent method and get tips and tools to help you lead with compassion.