What Helps Kids Feel Loved and Secure — Even When You Don’t
This Mother’s Day, I received cards from both of my children, as I do each year. My love language is Words of Affirmation, so I always ask them to write what they feel about me as their mum.
This year, my youngest wrote four things he loved about me.
It was the fourth one that stopped me in my tracks.
“Make me feel loved and secure.”
I was taken aback... not just by the words themselves, but by his awareness to express that.
And then it hit me even deeper — that he feels loved and secure... even though I don’t always feel that way myself.
As you know, when we decide to break generational cycles, the first step is to see the patterns that have been playing out.
And once we see them, we make the brave choice to do things differently... even when we have no roadmap.
That path is rarely smooth.
I don’t share this from a place of theory or textbooks — though I’ve read plenty.
I share it from a place of lived experience, walking the path of raising two now-thriving young men, aged 16 and 18.
Here’s what I believe has made the biggest difference:
1. Reducing My Own Stress
There are two kinds of stress:
The kind we generate internally — through our thoughts, beliefs, and emotional patterns
The kind that’s unavoidable in daily life — sick kids, deadlines, bills
Learning to reduce internally generated stress, and building tools to navigate the inevitable external stressors, has been foundational.
Without this, I wouldn't have the emotional availability or clarity to meet my children’s needs.
2. Staying True to Myself While Parenting
Knowing who I am — and allowing that woman to be present in my parenting — has been key.
When I honour my needs, dreams, and intuition, I don’t lose myself in the role of “mum.”
I don’t feel resentment.
I feel aligned... like I’m living my purpose.
3. Parenting in Partnership
I’m not talking about default roles we saw growing up, or learned helplessness masked as “I don’t know how to do that.”
I’m talking about true partnership:
“We’re in this together. We’re both learning. Let’s be intentional in how we parent and how we support each other... every single day.”
That co-ownership of our family life has made space for both of us to show up with strength and humility.
4. Increasing My Mental Presence
Lower stress, deeper self-awareness, and shared responsibility have all helped me actually be there when I’m with my children.
Not distracted. Not reactive. Not scattered.
But intentional, attuned, and open.
5. Defining Our Own Priorities as a Family
I stopped living by what others said “should” matter.
We got clear on what we value, how we want to spend our time and energy, and how we want to shape our home life.
That clarity simplified so many decisions.
6. Attuning to My Unique Child
Every child is different.
When I’m mentally present, emotionally grounded, and aligned with our family values, I’m able to notice the nuances in my children.
I see how each of them moves through the world... and I connect with them in the small in-between moments that matter most.
So even though I’m still healing, still working through parts of me that feel unloved or unsure, I have something that gives me peace — I know I’m being my best for my child.
We have a bond I’m deeply proud of.
And I want every parent to have this kind of peace of mind — no matter how busy, exhausted, or time-poor they are.
Because every parent and child deserves this kind of connection.
PS If you’re on the journey of conscious parenting, trying to break cycles and raise secure, connected kids while staying grounded in yourself... you're not alone.
From Stressed to Best Parent is designed with the step-by-step tools that help you reduce internal stress, parent with presence, and honour your values — without burning out.
