The real reason your child’s behaviour pushes all your buttons

Let me simplify something that feels complex:

Your child’s behaviour isn’t just “bad.”

It’s not about defiance.
It’s not about control.

It’s about what’s unspoken.. in them and in you.

Every pushback, every refusal, every explosion is a message.

Not a manipulation. A message.

“I’m overwhelmed.”
“I need to be heard.”
“I need your presence — not your correction.”

But if you’re already exhausted…

If you’re juggling the mental load, second-guessing yourself, trying to stay calm while your child pushes every single button...

Of course your reaction kicks in.

That happened to me just the other night.

We were sitting at dinner when one of my sons disagreed.. strongly... with something I’d just said. Then the other joined in.

They both started pushing back hard, telling me I was being ridiculous.
And I felt it.
That zing of defensiveness rising in my body.

For a moment, I went there..standing my ground, trying to convince them.

But then a quiet clarity dropped in:

“I actually want them to push back.”

Because in our family, curiosity and discernment are core values.
And part of that means creating a space where we can disagree and still feel safe.
Where our kids know they can question everything...even us.
Where emotional intensity doesn’t equal disconnection.

That moment changed the energy at the table — not because they stopped pushing back, but because I stopped needing to be right.

And I’ll be honest...I didn’t always have the capacity for that.
Not when I was running on empty, overstimulated, and stuck in old patterns.

But that’s the hidden gift of parenting:

Our children mirror the places we’re being invited to grow...not the places we’re failing.

So if you’re feeling like your child’s behaviour is pushing you over the edge...

What if it’s actually pushing you toward something deeper?
>> Toward clarity.
>> Toward connection.
>> Toward a version of you that leads with presence instead of pressure.

That’s what I help parents do... shift from reactive to rooted.
So you can move from stress to spaciousness, even in the middle of a meltdown.

P.S. If this resonates, I’d love to invite you to download my free guide:
“Raising a Strong Willed Child Without Losing Yourself.”
Learn how to turn power struggles into moments of connection.