Stop Shoulding Yourself & Why It’s Draining Your Parenting Energy
There was a time when making dinner felt like something I had to do. Not a choice. Just... a given.
I believed it was what a good mother and a good Indian wife should do. I also believed I should do the dishes before relaxing in the evening. And some other ‘shoulds’ included keeping my house tidy at all times and arranging social catch-ups every weekend.
A should is an unconscious rule we play on repeat in our minds — about what we can and can’t do, what we must or mustn’t do. It dominates where we place our focus, time and energy... and often without us realising.
How ‘Shoulds’ Shape Your Life Without Permission
As a working parent, shoulds can hold you back from spending quality time with the people who matter most. You might skip that moment of connection with your partner because the laundry isn't done. Or spend your Saturday morning cleaning for guests instead of playing with your child. Or overcommit to social plans out of guilt — not joy.
None of these things is inherently wrong. But when they’re done on autopilot... without conscious choice... they can distract you from what matters most.
Are You Spending Energy On What Really Matters?
As working parents, we're striving to lead ourselves and our families in a smarter, more intentional way. That starts with looking at your list of shoulds and asking:
Are these mine... or are they inherited?
Are they aligned with my values... or just habits I’ve never questioned?
Do they energise me... or quietly deplete me?
As Steven Covey said:
“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage – pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically – to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.”
Of course, certain things do need to get done to keep the household running. But when you’re aligned and connected with what truly matters, those tasks tend to find their place more easily... and with less resentment.
“Shoulding” sits at Level 2 on the Parent as Leader scale.
So today, pause and ask yourself:
What’s on your list of shoulds... and which ones are ready to go?
Want to stop pouring your energy into autopilot ‘shoulds’ and start leading your family with clarity and purpose? Check out the Stressed to Best Parent Method today.
