4 Ways to Empower Your Child with the Power of Choice (Even if it’s against the crowd)
It was my son’s graduation dance from his primary school. Grade 6 and about to start high school.
It was a big milestone and a big night with lots of celebrations, fun, and frivolity.
It was beautiful.
At one point there was a parent-child dance. And each child was asked to choose their “favourite” parent.
I cringed.
My mind raced to the impossible situation this leaves each child in to choose between parents.
Or worse the arguments that would follow if the child picked one parent, causing offence to the other.
Children were looking around, deciding which parent they should choose.
I looked over towards our son who came striding towards my husband and me and embraced us both.
Would you like this dance, he asked.
He’d found his solution.
He didn’t need to choose between us. He chose both of us.
So the three of us danced in the middle of the dance floor until the end of the song.
What struck me at that moment is that when children are put into any situation, how can we help them make a choice that feels good for them and aligns with their values even when they’re asked to do differently?
As a parent, it is important to empower our children with the power of choice in order to motivate and nurture their independence. With an understanding of our parenting style, we can create an environment where our children can make choices that feel good for them as they grow and become more and more independent.
Here are 4 ways to empower a child to make their own choices:
Own their power - Teach them what is in their power to control and what isn’t. They get to say how they think and feel about something and what they say and do. And they are not in control of what others think and feel and say and do. So when presented with an option they get to choose how they respond.
Develop internal authority - What they believe and their internal authority about what is right for them trumps what everyone else is doing (as long as their choices are not harming others).
Choose their experience - Their choices determine their experience and they can create any experience they want to based on the choices they make. This builds up their autonomy and ability to create their own path.
Deserving of Respect: Teaching them everyone deserves respect, including THEM. So when others who are in positions of authority or have strong personalities suggest a path that doesn’t feel good, it’s okay to respect how YOU feel and choose based on that (whilst being considerate of others). Not everyone will like this choice and that’s okay.
It’s a fine balance between meeting your own needs and feelings and the pull to go with the crowd.
We need to build our children to be okay to meet their own feelings and needs from an early age, especially with the degree to which they are influenced by the external environment, including the internet and social media.
Motivating our children by developing a supportive parenting style and empowering them with choice is one of the most important things we can do as parents. By allowing them to make choices, we can help them develop the confidence and self-awareness necessary to make responsible decisions throughout their life.
For more ways to empower your child and feel fulfilled as a parent, join the on demand parent as leader masterclass, Discover Your Parent Leadership Style.